For seven years, I helped take care of my two elderly parents while trying at the same time to run my own business. My mother suffered with a rare form of dementia from which she eventually died in 2000. Eighteen months later, my Dad died suddenly of a stroke. By 2003 I felt my life had completely derailed. In the aftermath of all that suffering and sorrow, I was taking medications for depression and anxiety. I found myself wanting a new life. I felt I had endured enough suffering to last a lifetime, and I wanted to be happy again.
The death of my parents really made me look at my life and how little time I had to enjoy it. I was desperate to find some happiness—but how? I realized I needed some help. I’ve never been a religious person, but I felt drawn toward a spiritual path. I went to the library and got some books on Buddhism. After about a year of study I wanted to learn more, so I surfed the web. That’s where I found Thay.
One of the first things I learned from Thay’s teachings is that happiness is not “out there somewhere.” I already had all the conditions for a happy life; I just didn’t know it. I realized I would never have found happiness the way I was going.
I am not a “joiner.” I’ve never been good at making friends because I’m basically shy, and I worry about what other people think of me. But I decided to join a Sangha. Based on what I had been reading about the practice, I thought people would accept me for who I was, and I was right: they welcomed me with open arms. I began going to Sangha every week. Suddenly, I had become a joiner. After another year of practice I wanted to make a formal commitment to the Buddhist path, so I decided to receive the Five Mindfulness Trainings.
I remember the evening of the ceremony. I looked nervously around the room and saw that the other aspirants were as nervous as I was; it was a big deal to them too. I also saw the smiling faces of those already on the path. After the ceremony I received congratulatory hugs from everyone in the room. I knew at once I had made the right decision for my life.
Since then, I have taken the Fourteen Mindfulness Trainings and have become a member of the Order of Interbeing. One of my jobs as an OI member is to offer support to other Sangha members, especially those contemplating receiving the Five Mindfulness Trainings. Receiving the trainings means different things to each of us. Often aspirants share with me their doubts about whether they will be able to practice the trainings diligently. When asked, I let them know that in my own experience, the trainings have permeated my consciousness even when I wasn’t aware that transformation was happening. They influence my thinking and are there when I need them to show me the way.
Doing the Right Thing
In my “old life,” before learning to practice mindfulness, I knew the difference between right and wrong, but it was easy to ignore that moral voice in my head. Temptation was all around me. I found it very easy to take the wrong path. The introduction to the trainings says, “The trainings are a means to guide us.” For me, this has proven to be true. Whenever I have a decision to make, the trainings spring to mind and I am guided to make the right decision.
A couple of years ago while jogging I noticed something fluttering in the road. As I got closer, I realized it was a $20 bill! I bent and picked it up, and then noticed another and another. Suddenly, I was $180 richer! Then I remembered the Mindfulness Training on generosity, instructing me not to take things that don’t belong to me. I wondered who had lost the money, and it occurred to me that this money may have been very important to someone; maybe they were going to use it to pay their rent or a babysitter. I put up a sign near the spot where I found the cash and waited a week for someone to call. No one did. I donated half the money to our local animal shelter and kept the rest.
On another occasion, I was waiting for an elevator. When the doors opened, the lone passenger was a huge black man. He was wearing biker clothes and his arms were covered in tattoos. After a few seconds of hesitation, I stepped into the elevator, making the decision not to judge him based on my conceptions about his appearance. I smiled at the man and said, “How are you doing?” He smiled back at me. After a few minutes of riding quietly, he turned and spoke to me. He thanked me for getting on the elevator with him! He told me that people have often taken one look at him and refused to get on.
I never thought of myself as a joiner, but since receiving the trainings I have joined in several peaceful protests and marches, something I would never have done in the past. Part of my reluctance to get involved stemmed from my belief that one person can’t make a difference, that I am only one grain of sand on a huge beach. Now I realize I am a grain of sand that helps make up that beach. Doing something, no matter how small or futile it seems, is better than doing nothing at all. I like to think kindness and inclusiveness are contagious.
What I value most about having received the Mindfulness Trainings is that now I have joined a community of people who think like I do—people who, like me, want to do the right thing, become better people, and live in a better world. I know that I am not alone on this path. I know that all over the world, people are practicing compassion and kindness. This knowledge is a huge support for my practice.
Later this year, I will be joining my Sangha brothers and sisters to offer a workshop on mindful eating in Ottawa. I am excited to have the opportunity to share this wonderful practice with people who are struggling with weight issues. Unmindful consumption is a cause of great suffering in our society. Sharing this practice could open the door of mindfulness for many people.
Laureen Osborne, True Beautiful Truth, practices with the Ottawa Pagoda Sangha in Ontario, Canada. She is the author of a vegetarian cookbook and a blog on mindful eating. For more information, visit www.mindfulcoachingclinic.com.